I Will Wait

So it seemed that it was cool for everyone to be in a relationship but me. So I took matters into my own hands... and ended up with him. Him who displayed the characteristics of a cheater, a liar, an abuser, and a thief? So why was I surprised when he broke into my heart? I called 911 but I was cardiac arrested for aiding and abetting cause it was me who let him in. Claiming we were "just friends." It was already decided for me by the first date that even if he wasn't, I was going to make him "The One." You know, I was tired of being alone and I simply made up in my mind that it was about that time so I decided to drag him along for the ride cause I was always the bridesmaid and never the bride.

A virgin in the physical but really just a grown woman on the corner in heat who was tired of the wait. So I was gonna make him "The One." He had a.. form of godliness but.. not much. But hey, hey, I can change him! So I'll take him. I mean he's close... enough. Ready to sell my aorta for a quarter not knowing the value of its use to me. Arteries so clogged with my will that it blocked His will from flowing through me so I thank Christ that His blood pressure gave this heart an attack, that flatlined my obscure vision, put me flat on my back. Through my ignorance he saw through my sternum he sawed and cracked open my chest to transplant Psalm 51:10 a new heart and a renewed right spirit within. So now I fully understand better yet I thoroughly comprehend how much I need to wait for you.

See, the bad thing is that I knew he wasn't you from the beginning. Cause in the beginning was the Word and he didn't even sound or shine like Your son. Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks, and all he could whisper was sweet, empty nothings--which meant NOTHING. He couldn't even pray when I needed him to--asking him to fast would be absurd, so forget about being cleansed and washed with water through the Word. But I know You... You were already praying for me. Even never having met me, let me assure you I will wait for you. I will no longer date, socialize, or communicate with carbon copies of you to appease my boredom or quench my thirsty desire for attention and short-lived compliments from sorta-kindas. You know, he's sorta-kinda right but sorta-kinda wrong. His first name Luke his last name Warm. I... I won't settle for false companionship. I won't lay in the embrace of his arms, attempting to find some closeness but never feeling so far apart cause I just wanna be held. Cause all I gotta do is say.. NO. No more almost sessions of almost coming close, passing winks and buying drinks and I'm a I'm a I'm a flirt. Who flirts with the ideology of, Can you just tell me how much I can get away with and still be saved? No more. I'll stay in my bed... alone, and write poems about how I will wait for you. He won't even come close. Our fingers won't even interlock. We won't even exchange breath cause I have thoughts that I've 'saved as' in a file that God has only equipped you to open.

I will no longer get weighted down from so-called friends and family talks about the concern for my biological clock when when I serve the Author of Time. Who is not subject to time but I'm subject to HIM. He has the ability to stop, fast forward, pause, or rewind at any given time so if we could role play, you would be Abraham and I would be Sarah. Or you can be Isaac and I can be Rebecca--a servant's answered prayer. I am bone of your bone, flesh of your flesh, made up of your rib Adam! And once we meet, like electrons I will be bound to your nucleus, completely indivisible atom. We even speak the same math. 1 + 1 + 1 = 3 which really equals 1 if you add Him. We were all created in His image, but you have the ability to reflect, project, and even detect the Son. If I were to explain what you looked like, You would have to look like a star, a sun of the Son, I would gain energy simply from the light that you shine on me. I would need you in order to complete my photosynthesis. I await your revelation but once again from the genesis I will wait for you. And I will know you... because when you speak I will be reminded of Solomon's wisdom. Your ability to lead will remind me of Moses, your faith will remind me of Abraham, your confidence in God's Word will remind me of Daniel, your inspiration will remind me of Paul, your heart for God will remind me of David, your attention to detail will remind me of Noah, your integrity will remind me of Joseph, and your ability to abandon your own will will remind me of the disciples. But your ability to love selflessly and unconditionally will remind me of Christ. But I won't need to identify you by any special Matthews and any special Marks, cause His Word will be tattooed all over your heart.

And you will know me, and you will find me where... the boldness of Esther meets the warm closeness of Ruth... where the hospitality of Lydia is aligned with the submission of Mary which is engulfed in the tears of a praying Hannah. I will be the one drenched in Proverbs 31... waiting for you. But to my Father, my Father who has known me before I was birthed into this earth- only if You should see fit- I desire Your will above mine so even if you call me to a life of singleness, My heart is content with You, the one who was sent. You are the greatest love story ever told, the greatest love ever known. You are forever my Judge and I'm forever Your witness. And I pray that I'm always found on a mission about my Father's business. I will always be Yours and I will always wait for You, Lord. More than the watchmen wait for the morning... more than the watchmen wait for the morning, I will wait.

A Symphony of Thoughts

For a love that is born from God is a love that gives with the same reflex as that which causes a bird to sing or the heart to beat… The love that arises from God is a love that loves anonymously, a love that acts without self-centred reflections, that gives without thought. -Peter Rollins, "How (Not) To Speak of God"

"Love never asks what benefit it will derive from love. Love from its very nature is a disinterested thing.It loves for the creature’s sake it loves, and for nothing else."
-C. H. Spurgeon

“We may do well to recognize what seems to be the consistent thrust of the whole Bible—that unless and until, in faith, the future of the world becomes more important than the future of the church, the church has no future. As Jesus put it, the most dangerous thing you can do is seek to save your life . . . .” -Ralph Winter (Six Essential Components of World Evangelization)

A Temple of Remembrance

"Let my body dwell in poverty, and my hands be as the hands of the toiler, but let my soul be as a temple of remembrance where the treasures of knowledge enter and the inner sanctuary is hope." -George Eliot

"For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same?" (Jesus in Matthew 5:46)

Earthen Vessel

"Though we are new creatures in Christ, we still live in the framework of ordinary human lives." Heavenly treasure in earthen vessels...

He knows our frame, He remembers that we are dust -Psalm 103:14

For we know that if our earthly house, this tent, is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens -2 Corinthians 5:1

Christ is to dwell within and find His expression not through my subjugation and disappearance--but through my redeemed humanity. In me there is an incorruptible weight of glory.. that is housed in a temporal creation... a seed in a pot, which will eventually be transplanted to its home in the restored Eden.

For we are to God the fragrance of Christ among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing -2 Corinthians 2:15

But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us -2 Corinthians 4:7

For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies -Romans 8:22-23

A Higher and Better War

"I know how much you grieve over those who are under your care: those you try to help and fail, those you cannot help. Have faith in God and remember that He will in His own way and in His own time complete what we so poorly attempt. Often we do not achieve for others the good that we intend but achieve something, something that goes on from our effort. Good is an overflow. Where we generously and sincerely intend it, we are engaged in a work of creation which may be mysterious even to ourselves--and because it is mysterious we may be afraid of it. But this should not make us draw back. God can always show us, if we will, a higher and better war; and we can only learn to love by loving. Remember that all our failures are ultimately failures in love. Imperfect love must not be condemned and rejected but made perfect. The way is always forward, never back." -Iris Murdoch (The Bell)